Another long pause, yet another period of calm due to my problems.
I try to sleep and to soothe headaches, but do not always succeed.
However, I want to apologize for my absence, but now that I have a PC here at the clinic I hope to do better.
You do not abandon me.
"There is no escape for those living on the run", it also says Palahniuk.
This is the third installment of the chronicles of madness Romeo
THE CHRONICLES OF MADNESS - # 3
was spent just over a month after the last explosion of my passenger, but I felt I had acquired a new clarity, a strong and surprising perspective.
The angle at which you look at things is crucial, though sometimes we tend to forget the deeper meaning.
We face with the surfaces of others knowing that people are different mediums together.
This is very useful to know the angle at which the radiation we get to the other fluid.
A portion of us will always be rejected, the same as angle of arrival although opposite to the bisector of the sum of the two, while a part of our band will be possible enter in half of others.
If we know enough and that our means by which we come, we can predict the direction of our fluid.
But we know the angle of arrival to determine the deviation of our band once the interruption.
Here, the trick.
We must be careful of things to optics, refraction at the corners.
We can try a thousand times collide with a surface of another, but if we get the angle wrong with our whole band will not reach the right point. And then you will be treated just a waste of forces, a futile attempt.
If you have the foresight to understand, and then to decide the angle of attack, then you can penetrate and hit the heart.
Recently I had the opportunity to refine my technique and started to exercise to take advantage of this capability.
I could manage things well because it recognizes the different approaches have to be according to the situations that they came in front.
Where could even luckier to have a sort of power, to spell, so as to come in the media and others strike at the heart of things.
If the situation required that I was sympathetic and gentle, suddenly I become a young man, well educated, caring and willing to help others, all blandishments and empathy.
If, on the contrary, it was necessary that I was rude and dominant, here shot of my transformation into a bad boy way. As a new
Leonard Zelig. Or tree from the shore, if you prefer not to break that bends ever.
The night of the party got the results of two applications of my technique. Opposites and surprising, from some points of view.
In those days I began testing my skills using my methods on two very different girls, both interesting and somewhat unique.
Cristina was apparently a very shy and reserved girl, the kind that takes years of knowledge to them on their side.
Beautiful, dark brown hair and eyes are not too long magic can be just as sad as the girls.
really did see her in and, as a glance, could easily seem like the prototype of the girl hard, dell'introversa of wood pussy.
In fact, just had to be, with others.
I saw them all those guys that turned around, stunned by its smell, like dogs running around the boss who brings them food.
With me it was completely different, another person.
He lost that air of being superior and celestial and became flesh and blood like any other humanoid.
I could penetrate through it stunning and somehow putting it in a position of apparent submission.
the envy of all his acquaintances. Cristina
the goddess, Isis, the woman of your dreams.
I had at my feet and I did not even try too hard to maintain homeostasis in this report.
The trick was in having guessed the angle at which you had to collide with his soul, with his girl I ever sad about being old and deep wounds. The unmatched
always seems to have a dark past that haunts. The
easy for him but really, the dark past full of problems, only that they vent with interpersonal relationships. With sex, with drugs. It's their escape. Cristina
so it was a beautiful and haughty problem refractory to reports, those who, with their velvet eyes steal the souls of men unprepared.
I would say that was part of a well in type.
In this case, then served up close, pretend not to notice and even if you could, to treat it a bit 'wrong, as if she were one of many. Without
never give the impression of being interested, I turned around like a vulture Cristina problems revolves around a carcass map. I began to cibarmi her just accidentally exposed himself to my attack. Sferrai that I, of course, using an angle measured with the required expertise.
She was a highly intelligent, yet he saw nothing, did not even have an inkling, not the most distant presentiment the fact that I was applying a rigorous scientific method and make it my own.
I knew two weeks ago when he invited me to the graduation party of some of his friends, two new doctors well-dressed and smiling, ready to break through any door without ever turning around to see his own shadow that follows them. Lucky them, so light and determined not to see the misery, not to notice nothing at all.
the party also met Anna, ready to party with us-not that I give a shit, the title earned by graduates "junior novel (that's how you call it now?).
she had known the night I saw for the first time, Cristina, at a dinner at the home of mutual friends.
It was just that night that I decided to try my "corners" of the two.
But if things were easy with Christine and the curiosity to try my ability to force myself was born also a kind of relationship with Anna I did not have the same success.
gave me a big problem, a hard, as they say.
I saw inside, fuck, she was translucent, as if all my manners and my techniques were useless.
The funny thing, moreover, is that Anna was not a difficult as it was Cristina, than I can say that one of those girls seemed nice and helpful, giving confidence to anyone who knows them, without particular distinction. Anna was in fact the classical type easy to conquer, perhaps those with real problems in their past but who have much more strength than you think, so my attempts to undermine his world did not work at all.
I tried to log in to his soul with every corner I knew I had used all perspectives, all of them.
Nothing to be done, for me it was impossible to penetrate a wall, a fortress.
is a paradox, but for others it was probably easier to win, unlike Cristina, but I could not find a way.
Not that I wanted to win for it or take it to bed, since I had already Cristina (which I liked a lot more), only that I was curious to experience again my methods.
Of course, there was also a good dose of ego and desire for power behind everything, I knew, but it was mostly curiosity.
In short, all the party looked at me with envious eyes because I was the new boyfriend of the beautiful and unattainable Cristina, but I could not build on more modest and accessible Anna.
a mystery to me.
I would have expected to struggle a lot with the first, instead I found myself in the situation opposite to that dictated by appearances.
The theory and practice do not always coincide.
we arrived early enough, walking down the street that passes under the tower and leads to the establishment, just behind the Triennale.
We had the expression on the faces of enthusiasm mixed with embarrassment typical of new couples who are to participate in events that expose them to all other acquaintances.
On the one hand you feel excited to show your partner to your friends, the other is perceived as being under observation, the center of attention and gossip, so that even the most ordinary gestures become like a little 'mechanical and clumsy.
I pretended to know the happy herd of gourds which were at the party and I thought to myself just to go to the counter.
Of course I was happy to stay with Cristina, probably I should not wish anything better in life, I was aware of but, as usual, inside me was already alive the feeling of oppression that black I condemned to live as an outcast from some time now. It was a conceptual
snake that lurks in my bowels and suffocated me with its coils inside. It made all my attempts failed.
The perfect girl, writing that began to flow, have got away with two murders.
I had to be in seventh heaven, but I felt suffocated. I was again feeling
explode my passenger and I let him go I realized that was the only way to continue to support myself and the world.
Men can not stand, do not bear the whole of humanity, I tell you. This is why we kill, We shoot, launch missiles or there to make us jump with explosives in crowded places.
is for the same reason that those who conceived thought of forcing us to sleep.
We sleep because we would not do to put up with for 24 hours straight. Odieremmo us, we would come to kill us.
We sleep for one third of our lives so that we can live with ourselves fucking. I
I knew I could not repress certainly pushing all this crap again in some remote part of my mind, then, once we arrived, I began to think like trying to put out the sparks of oblivion I crowded thoughts.
Of course, I could just get rid of pleasantries related to new and interesting knowledge, I fiondai the counter.
alcohol kept me good, faded in me the desire of nuclear apocalypse that I felt at times. So I left
Cristina to a group of four or five suitors chapels always wet and I sat on the stool of the bar, at that time, fortunately, not yet crowded.
heard them try it with my wife, but I did not care. I had the keys to the house, the kids would stay out tonight as the others. While
smiled to hear their ridiculous ways of bullies to get in competition with one another and to show more cock cocks chicken, I decided to order a drink. A double vodka
was what we wanted, at least temporarily to fix my demon.
my taste with the tongue tip the liquid inside the glass I could notice the change in taste that occurs when the distillate comes into contact with the taste buds and the cold due to the low temperature of the drink was giving way to 37 degrees of my flesh and in this passage seemed to catch the water phase separation in alcohol, which evaporates, leaving the outer surface of my mouth a cool feeling dry.
While I enjoyed that moment and wonder I felt like every time at that precise moment he was alive the taste of corn on my palate, something distracted my thoughts sharply.
vivid and joyful was the voice of Anna, who greeted me with a "eeehhhiiiiiii" long eternity.
He sat in beside me and ordered a daiquiri.
His gaze was like a loaded gun pointed at heart, I had no way to escape that threat and I felt terribly difficult, in ridiculous difficulty.
We began to talk about issues mostly futile, and I could not concentrate much on conversation, since I was not able to control his inquiring eye.
But they were not only the eyes, no, it was Anna who rejected all of my techniques and respond to attacks with new and more powerful methods of submission. He did that trick with the mouth, or slightly opened up his lips, gracefully moving the jaw toward the fixed jaw jaw, as if he was gritting his teeth without touching them together. As the face that you do when you feel a slight pain, or an insect bite or a small burn.
He did well when he laughed, leaving in this case more discovered all his perfect white teeth stood out in the light glistening with saliva.
these small movements of the muscles of his face were to me at the same time delicious and horribly annoying, since not only distracted me from my meticulous techniques, but also managed to capture me and let me in in his world, in his game.
that I would end with her questions, with an interest in her and maybe even the dangerously expose myself in person.
It was like she already knew everything about me, how I can not say, perhaps through divination rituals that followed the meticulous control of the other apparatus through facial expressions and use the jug.
In any case it was dangerous for me because I could get to the point of telling all my problems, my pleasures, my passenger.
Fortunately, the holidays are full of annoying characters that pop up suddenly ready to break off the dialogue-quasi-serious that come alive in front of the bar counters.
Thanks to some friends of Anna, in fact, I managed to avoid sounding my self even more and then vomit to keep from in front of my interlocutor.
frantic few moments of hugs and kisses, jokes vulgar and obvious, smiles and handshakes, and this was enough to break the spell and save me from error.
Then we came upon the festivities, and she with him in a full suit of at least € 1000, there was a spree, I rejoined the sweet Cristina and walked away from me trying to be evil thoughts, do not say a normal person, but at least not a crazy homicidal geek. The evening was short
slipping away from cigarettes, drink and pee. Around 2
however, in the middle of the night and the festivities, Cristina moved away to talk with some friends and I was again trapped by Anna. At the
"I do not think you think all the things you say," I asked if we could get out a moment from the pit and go for a smoke in a place where I could avoid having to read lips to understand his words (and in this case it was dangerous to read lips, his mouth being his best weapon).
In the space that separated us from the place where I was bringing to his knowledge, there were at least 200 people, two rows of cars, traffic lights and a pickup truck stopped on the sidewalk to work as a kiosk sandwiches and drinks.
I had to follow a focus in as not to attract people's attention, now I had become more careful in the preamble and in the preparation, you never know some little detail in the future can be a big mistake.
then walked with his head down, trying to keep myself surrounded by people so confused by my profile and that of my victim with the others that followed the small road, or who were preparing to cross the traffic lights.
Once across the road, we began to walk more calmly, talking about all the things that you should not talk about anything, from his childhood through to more recent demons.
I was now completely clear and I confessed that I was bringing in a brutal murderess, was not scared and that I should therefore never agreed to come to see the central water supply which was right in front of the room.
also seemed amused when changing the subject I explained what they were and why those tanks was necessary to have activated carbon filters.
However, it was enough to distract me and walk around the tree until you reach the rear area that was completely hidden in the shadow of any artificial light, but it was she who had the most brilliant idea: "Climbing".
And so we were inside in the dark, without the eye could see (the only eye which I was worried was that of the camera, luckily, was oriented towards a single area of \u200b\u200bthe station).
Anna enjoyed walking in front of me while I was trying to understand how it was possible that my behavior had not suspicious.
When we arrived in the darkest hour, the hostess tanks with filters, I felt the tremor, what I had been accustomed to recognize.
Hands pulse and sweat, the veins on his temples beating, arrhythmias, the throat swells and does not want to pass the air.
The black figure of Anna was ahead of me in the dark, leaving a trail of scent and I was ready to relinquish control to my passenger.
The weapon that the impetus was decided to use the belt I was wearing, a strip of nylon is thick and strong.
I felt his eyes shoot out of the cavity, so the heart pumps blood with violence, but my hands were firm and decisive.
I removed the belt and quickly wrapped around your hand, turning it a few times, as is done with a rope when you have to pull more effectively.
Almost without realizing it, I went quickly to my victim quickly by passing the tape over the raven hair that covered her head and, as soon as I passed the face, pulled me toward the belt with all the violence inside me.
At that point, crossed my arms, to multiply the effect of my strength.
The result was frightening, terrifying.
Her neck made a tremendous noise, like a heavy stone that is dropped from the roof of a building or even as two big cars that collide in a traffic accident.
I was frightened to hear that noise, so that suddenly loosened its grip and dropped the dead body of Anna turgor.
killed him with one shot, a snap.
Take a life to a young girl unaware of the intentions of his murderess is a matter of moments, then if you have physical strength and timing, it becomes very trivial.
So much hard work to come, stay alive, fighting with this crap of entropy and then comes a strange and almost kills you with a belt. Really
I wonder, should you ever have children, if I have the courage to throw fire on the other souls of this world.
Probably not, I could never do wrong so big in the blood of my blood.
No one noticed my absence (this is the good of the party), only Cristina approached me to ask where I'd end up.
replied "piss", easy to put more than expected, given the frenzy of those processes that were not quite as popular, some designer of interior architecture had decided to do for three quarters promiscuous.
However, I spent yet another hour drinking vodka and smoking cigarettes waiting for the mess broke out.
I was sitting talking to Christine on a couch in the middle of the garden of the premises and despite the terrible heat, I could not sweat and feel a great feeling of liberation, almost of joy.
I felt cool and relaxed, like after an orgasm.
Then, the casino broke.
No one could find Anna, his phone rang but the call did not answer.
I was only aware of, I only knew that his phone was two hundred yards from us, quivering, lit up and played in the dark, like a lost that calls for help from the bottom of a valley endless and lonely.
the minutes passed and then the minutes became half an hour, people began to leave the club and the garden consequently emptied hordes of revelers who occupied it.
The only people not to leave the premises were close friends of Anna, those with whom she had come to the party, those with whom he was supposed to go. Even
Cristina was concerned, kept saying that Anna was not the girl from leaving the place without telling his friends.
In the eyes of my companion could read clearly an omen that it was gradually more and more real and concrete.
It was very sad.
It is always sad to see someone thinking of a person who suffers in one way or the other disappears.
As for me, I'm a beast, a selfish prick, a murderess, a rapist, a strangler.
I do not have a heart, I have no feelings, I just shit and guts warm.
We left ourselves a disco when it was morning, we head towards the house of Cristina, who was increasingly concerned about her friend's disappearance.
When we got home we undressed in a confused way, spreading through the rooms and clothing coming almost on all fours to the bed. We lay down and waited embraced sleep.
Cristina was breathtakingly beautiful and my heart bastard ran strong to remind me that my insides were outside the domain on my person.
I tried not to think about it and closed my eyes.
In sleep, I dreamed of being the center of an ancient Roman amphitheater, on a warm but windy night. I felt terribly scared and turned around wildly looking for something, while a round moon in the sky stealing the ice in the sun light to project on grimly throughout the building.
Suddenly, a vision of my blood froze in my veins: once under the amphitheater, in the shadows, a human figure with a black robe holding something in the large cap waved her arms up to the face. The sight of that person to me petrified, causing a feeling of horror in me that never in my life I had tried. It was like looking at death. Slowly
this person moved from the language of shadow that threw the stone arch on the ground and finally I could see what was holding in his hands.
was a baby.
A tiny baby wrapped in a brown blanket.
The child did not emit moans and sinister figure, not talking to me, the only sounds I could hear was the wind and that which, more in the background, seemed to recall the engine of a large vessel or, more simply, that of a central water distribution.
Then the frightening figure with the black robe sprang up raising the child's arm, holding his ankle and leaving him dangling upside down. The small
began to scream so loud and I could feel his fear, his ancestral feeling of being in danger.
I wanted to take action, do something, tear it from the hands of that "thing", but I could not move from fear.
not even moved a muscle, as in a hypnagogic paralysis.
Suddenly the dark shape he opened his hand, leaving the child to fall to the ground.
I screamed very loud, woke up sweating completely opposite Cristina, who with one hand on my chest trying to calm down. Then I
riaddormentai in the fetal position, pressed against the warm body of the woman who stood by my side.
Upon awakening I felt the usual feeling of nausea and vomited several times after, I realized one thing: that sound dull and continuous never stopped echoing in my ears. Over the
hours waned, but from that day, hearing disorders have persecuted me, causing me severe headaches.
then I began to understand.
I released dell'insofferenza life regurgitating my passenger, who took something from the world as a pledge for my stability, but then, the world, with a kind of retaliation would take something to me.
altering the visual field, chipped a tooth, leaving a trail of distant noise inside my head.
